Straight Men – Physical Affection

Every baby girl and baby boy is born with an innate need for physical affection. We are wired that way – just as much as the need for food, affirmation or love. The difference between a boy and a girl is that as they grow older the physical affection usually continues with a little girl.  She receives much physical touch from  her parents, her friends, her relatives. Often times a young boy begins to receive less and less physical affection as he grows older. Often times a father is much more comfortable showing physical affection with his daughter than his son.

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As a young boy grows his “love tank” needs just as much physical touch as when he was small – yet he often feels that he is running on empty. If his father wasn’t shown much physical affection when he was small it will be very difficult for him to now hold, caress, hug and kiss his growing son. A father who is insecure about his own physical male affections finds it very difficult to give out what no one has ever put in. So he pulls away from his growing son – leaving the son longing for male affection.

In Eastern cultures it is common  for men to hug and kiss each other on the cheek. They are not ashamed to express their feelings for one another. In America it is considered “gay” if men do this.

King David’s closest friend was Jonathan.  They loved one another, encouraged one another, cared for one another and protected one another. Jonathan was even willing to relinquish his rightful place on the throne so that David could become king according to God’s will. These men truly loved one another – yet they were not gay. They were just two friends who loved and needed each other. The word tells us in 1 Samuel 18:3 that “Jonathan loved David as he loved himself.” Two straight men who truly loved, respected and cared for each other.

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When  Jonathan died on the battlefield David said this about him “Your love for me was deep – deeper than the love of women!” (2 Sa. 1:26) It is important to understand that it was more normal in those days for men to express their love, care, affection and concern for one another more than it was for a man to publicly show affection for his wife. A woman was considered lower than a dog. Women were seldom respected or appreciated. Men were not ashamed to outwardly show the love they felt for another man. This was normal, this was healthy, this was not homosexuality.

Adam walked with God in the Garden of Eden. Just the two of them. A divine fellowship. A pure loving relationship between Lord and His created son. God created each man and woman to walk with him. Therefore when we turn to other people, things and activities instead of God we find a deep pit that can never be filled. We were created for fellowship with God. Man was first created for fellowship with God before woman came on the scene. Men need men – spiritually, emotionally and yes, physically. They need affirming hugs, pats on the back and warm hand shakes. This is normal, this is good. This is a God thing.

If a small boy continues to grow up without the physical male affection that God created him for he will usually find himself lost, empty, longing and confused. If his mother steps in she may smother him with affection trying to make up for his father’s lack of attention. Often this leads to feelings that safety is with women and that men are not to be trusted. Often, for the rest of their lives they are longing for masculinity and someone to show them what that is. This is why some men turn to homosexuality. These are just lost, affection-starved men who are in desperate need of a loving Savior.

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It is good, normal, healthy and a God attribute for men to show outward affection towards one another. Yes, two men that are straight can share physical affection (within healthy boundaries) without being gay. 

What is normal and healthy male affection? Hugging, arm around the shoulder, a kiss on the cheek  (as Europeans do), pats on the back and bear hugs are normal healthy ways to show affection to one another. Men should never kiss on the lips, hold hands, caress, bump and grind just for fun or act as if they were lovers. This is sinful and leads to perversion.

Frankly the more secure a man is in his masculinity the easier it is for him to express his love and care for a male friend or relative. It takes a strong, confident man to hug another man. It takes a confident man to tell his friend “I appreciate you, I care about you, I love you man, you are important to me.” Too often men fear the label of being “gay” and withhold their true feelings towards one another.

God created men with the divine desire to be loved, respected and appreciated by other men. This should never be something a man is ashamed of.  

If more men were willing to openly show their care and concern for one another we’d have a lot more healthy men walking around and I truly believe – a lot less confused homosexuals looking for the wrong type of affection.

Men, you were created to receive love and give love. Never let fear cause you to hold back what is truly a God-given attribute of outward show of affection.

QUESTIONS:

Can a gay man show his affections to a straight man? Yes. Within the boundaries that were aforementioned. A gay man is a starved man. He is looking for the missing “healthy love” that he has never received. For a friend to be strong enough to allow normal male affection to a gay man can often be the turning point of healing for this person. Should the straight man ever be tempted, swayed or confused it would be a good time to have an honest and open talk with your gay friend – caringly making the boundaries very clear. There should never be confusion on the issue.

Jim was gay. He began attending a Christian Church, searching for fellowship, healing and salvation. Being open about his struggle with homosexuality most of the men stayed a polite distance from Jim. But one brother was strong in Christ. He loved Jim, befriended him, encouraged him and yes – often gave him bear hugs. It was pure and honest friendship. Jim found such healing and kindness from his brother in the Lord that he found in time his desire for the homosexual life began to dry up. In time he found he was a new man – straight. Eventually he met a beautiful woman, fell in love and they married.

Healing comes when we are big enough and strong enough to love those who are desperate for our affections and affirmations – those people in the gay lifestyle.  Healing comes when we don’t run in fear of what they might do to us or how they might make us look. Healing comes when we openly and unashamed show the love of Christ.

Some men may not be strong enough to befriend a gay man – not because they don’t care – but because they wouldn’t be strong enough to resist the temptation of the gay lifestyle. To this person I say know thyself. If you are weak don’t put yourself in a place where you may fall and end up losing your testimony. That won’t do anyone any good.

Can a transgender go to heaven?  No. But but If this person will return to the “original” sex that God created them to be (as much as is possible), if they will repent of their sins and continue to turn from them, if they commit their lives to Christ and continue to daily walk out their salvation – then they can go to heaven. 

Do gays, lesbians, bi-sexuals and transexuals go to heaven? No.  If they continue in the same state of sin that they are living in they will go to hell. If there is true repentance, an earnest turning away from sin and a continual seeking God’s kingdom by living for Christ – then yes, they will go to heaven – but NOT as a gay, bi, lesbian or homosexual – as the man or woman that they were born as. 

Are straight people offended by gay public affection? Yes. Even though it is certainly becoming more common to see public displays of affection by gays it is still offensive. Many “non-christians” could care less and don’t blink an eye at it, but many people, particularly families and Christians find it very sad and offensive.

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Can God heal you from being gay or bi-sexual? Yes. With good counsel, caring support and determination to walk this thing out,  a man or woman can be set free and healed from the gay or bi lifestyle. I have friends who were in the gay lifestyle for years and have been totally healed, living a straight life, serving God.

Should a christian be hanging out with lesbians? Here is the question – Are you strong enough to not be pulled into their lifestyle? Do you limit the amount of time you spend with them? You must see your time with them as ministry time, nothing else. If you do not then Satan will use this opportunity to pull you into the lesbian lifestyle. You think you are stronger than that? I think not. I have see too many powerful, solid women of God end up in the gay lifestyle because they wanted to hang out with lesbians so they could minister to them. Be absolutely certain you are being led of the Holy Spirit in this and that if you do spend time with them you are fasting and praying very regularly.

7 thoughts on “Straight Men – Physical Affection

  1. Jackie you make a lot of generalizations. Nobody knows for sure why some turn gay. Some have very affectionate fathers towards sons. And you have no grounds to say if a transexual will go to heaven or hell. The decision not to live an active sex life is more of a struggle than you can dream of. You don’t even come close to understand and you dogmatically make statements such as you do. Shame on you. That’s just your self righteousness talking. Many have deathbed conversions, so reserve your conclusions to when you grow up a bit. And unless you are prepared to pay for their operation to transform back, you’frankly need to shut up.

  2. I am a married heterosexual man and I have two male friends (also, married and heterosexual) whom I love very deeply. None of us is ashamed to exchange intimate hugs, an occasional kiss on the lips, and a frequent exchanged “I love you” to each other. In each case our wives are supportive because they realize there is nothing sexual in our relationships, just an intense emotional love between two people who happen to be men.

    • “An occasional kiss on the lips” is not normal. That type of intimacy should be saved for your wives. I am finding it hard to believe that heterosexual men would find this normal – it is not – at least not in America. In other countries this may be practiced more – but in our country this would be strange.

      • While I agree that it is certainly not normal, I would also say that it isn’t necessarily homosexual if it is being done out of a strictly pure motive of non-sexual mutual affection for one another. For example, my cousins do the same thing. They literally kiss you on the lips, although it is a very quick peck or smack and nothing more than that. They are married, totally heterosexual, and have no indication of improper or immoral sexual motive behind their kisses whatsoever. They were raised like this. Our family comes from a very rich Italian background and heritage, so ethnicity and cultural habits also play a role in intimate public displays of affection between males. I’m not saying it’s the norm, but to label it as homosexual: I wouldn’t go that far unless unless it is being done with a motive of sexual impropriety or perversion. My cousins kissed me on the lips and I never thought at all that we committed a homosexual act and frankly I don’t believe we did because the affection was pure and genuine without any form of lust or sexual desire. Also, you said that it was wrong or not normal for men to hold hands: when I was in Italy I saw two elderly men linked in arm in arm walking close beside each other, as if they were escorting one another through the long hallway of the airport. Now I know for certain that they were not gay or had any intention of acting homosexual. It’s just a normal cultural or ethnic display of affection for their generation. I’ve also seen other examples of elderly persons of the same sex holding hands or walking beside each other arm in arm. Are they gay or committing indecent homosexual acts? I think not, as I would guess or bet that they are simply showing genuine platonic love or affection for one another. This is just my personal insight and observations.

      • Excellent points Jamie. Yes, with the elderly of course this is much more common – but we won’t make excuses for men in their 30’s. Culturally it can be very different in various countries – this teaching was addressed towards Americans. Thank you for your great input.

  3. i believe we are who we are. I was born transgender, wrestled with it my entire life. I do not believe God would send me to hell because of it, as He created me. My wife knows about it, as I had to tell her why my penis didnt want to work with her. She understands and we have sexual fullfillmement in oral activities. We have been married going on 10 years and she is my everything. I do believe I’m in the wrong body but with her I dont care as much, shes the most beautiful soul Ive ever met and I just want to take care of her and love her. I was baptized at the age of 12 in a baptist church, have since converted to Catholicism as the baptist churches to me werent anything more than social clubs and to me church is a place of reverence and respect for our Lord. So being a Christian and a transgender I think you are a little off base with your judgemental answers. I am going to heaven not because of what I did or do, I am going to heaven because of what my Lord did for me. Period.

  4. Very well done ! I’m really getting a deeper understanding thru your blogs, please keep them up! Do you mind if I share them with other people?

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