How do you get your husband to spend time with you and the kids when he is a workaholic? What can you do or say to entice him to want to be with the family on his own accord? What will it take to change your husbands heart?
Beloved, you need to know that your attitude will make or break this situation. It can either drive a man closer to his family or further away. Today, hold your head up, determine in your mind that you and your children are above groveling. Know that God is for family. It was His plan from the beginning for family and it is still His plan. It is His desire that men spend time with their wives and children. God loves family and it grieves His heart deeply when a husband or wife don’t make time at home a priority.
First, prayer and fasting need to be the foundation to see change. If you haven’t done so already begin to have daily prayer – turning all your heartaches, cares and fears over to the Lord. Do this 7 days a week. Make it a priority. You need to be fasting on a weekly basis. (See posts on Fasting) When you begin to fast and pray there is nothing that God cannot do. Be persistent. Be tenacious. Be determined. Know that you as you fast and pray with a right heart that God will hear you and He will move in this situation. It won’t happen overnight. Leave the timing in God’s hands.
Stand on the Word of God. When your heart is broken and you feel disillusioned, disappointed and frustrated you need several bible verses that you can stand on. For example each time your husband calls to say he will be working late again don’t get upset – CONTROL YOUR EMOTIONS. Repeat out loud a verse that you are standing on such as “I WILL TRUST IN THE LORD WITH ALL MY HEART, I WILL NOT LEAN TO MY OWN UNDERSTANDING – BUT IN EVERYTHING I WILL ACKNOWLEDGE HIM AND HE WILL DIRECT MY PATHS.” Prov. 3:5 & 6 You will say this out loud all day long. Pick several bible verses that give you strength, comfort and hope. Determine in your mind to believe God’s Word above your circumstances. God’s Word will be your greatest friend during this trying time. If you have an outdated bible it might be a good time to purchase a new one. Do whatever it takes to love the Word of God, feast on it and memorize it.
Less Say More Pray. If you nag, complain, beg, plead, whine and bargain it will only drive him further away. Each time you are tempted to begin the same tantrum of emotions keep your mouth shut. Immediately begin to pray. Say this out loud each time “Less Say – More Pray.” Then begin to repeat several bible verses out loud. The habit of complaining will begin to break and your faith will begin to grow. In time your husband will begin to notice a difference. It will actually make him want to be around you and the kids more. A man cannot stand an atmosphere of whining, begging, pleading and annoying groveling. It shows disrespect for yourself and conveys to your man that you are out of control.
Control your emotions. Stop the crying. When you are crying you come across as a weak, insecure, groveling woman. Your husband needs to respect you. He needs to know that you are an intelligent Woman of God. He needs to see you as an equal – not a sniveling whiner. I had a friend come to me because her husband never wanted to spend time at home. After we talked about it I saw that each time she brought the issue up with her husband she cried. I told her to stop all the crying and speak to him intelligently. The next time she was upset with him she controlled her emotions and had an intelligent conversation with him. He was dumbfounded. He couldn’t believe the change. It was at this point that he actually started to listen to her instead of getting aggravated. This was the turning point of their relationship.
Value what your husband says. When he speaks listen to him. Give him your full attention. Ask him questions about his work. Show that you are interested. Always ask him how his day went whether you are interested or not. Ask him his opinion on matters about the kids, about the household, about life. Ask him what he would like to do for the weekend. Show interest in his plans, dreams and desires. Ask God to give you interest in your husband’s dreams.
Build up your man. Each day find something positive to say to him. Never let a day go by that you don’t say at least 3 positive things to say to him. It may be difficult to find things to say to a man you are frustrated with, but pray and ask the Lord to show you things about your husband that are good and wonderful. We all have our good and our bad side. You want your husband to WANT to come home. You want him to feel valued, important and loved. In time this will draw him back to you and to wanting to spend time at home.
Respect. Every man wants to be respected. Even if you truly don’t respect your husband – you need to find a way to respect the “position of husband.” A husband’s rightful place is as the head of the home – this is God’s intended plan. Yet many men don’t deserve that position or that respect. That still doesn’t diminish their role. So in Christ you can “CHOOSE” to respect your husband. You can say in your mind:
“Lord, I really don’t respect my husband. Yet your Word tells me “Wives, respect your husbands.” So I allow you to respect him through me.” ‘ Eph. 5:33
When you choose to do this you are not only obeying God’s command – you are respecting your husband through God. You are not doing it because you necessarily want to – but because you desire to please Christ.
Begin to say to your husband “I respect you.” As you say this you are affirming that your desire is for him to come into the balance Christ meant for him – being part of the home life. As you speak these words you are speaking in FAITH that he will one day be the man of God that you have been praying for him to be. As you say these words you honor Christ.
As you follow these simple steps you may find your husbands attitude changing . It won’t happen overnight. Remember, he still has a free will no matter how hard you try. Beloved, don’t get discouraged. God is faithful as you are faithful. Begin to put your trust completely in Christ.
If a time arises and after much prayer you still feel that you need to confront your husband on issues – then do it. When you speak do it respectfully, tactfully and intelligently – without the hubbub of emotions. Appeal to him wisely. Ask God to show you how to communicate in a new way without all the crying.
Finally, get good Christian counseling – even if its from a pastor or bible teacher. The two of you should be counseling together but if he won’t go then you should. You need Christian support and guidance so that you don’t become bitter. Counseling should give you validation and encouragement during your journey.
Men will go where they feel valued, respected and appreciated. Begin to make your home the place where he longs to be. Make your home the safe haven that he needs from the rat race of the work world. Make “home” the place where he can hang his hat, rest his heart and find solace in a harsh world. Make your home his home.