Fathers don’t Exasperate Your Children

“Fathers don’t exasperate your children so that they will not lose heart.” Col. 3:21

The word exasperate means “to provoke, to quarrel, to wrangle, contention, debate, strife.” What the verse is saying is that Fathers have the power to develop or destroy their children. A Father has so much power over his children he can affect their lives for all eternity. A Father has the power to agitate his children and cause them much heartache, stress, fear, worry and anxiety.


Often times a Father will use a harsh tone of voice. This can lead to discouragement and fear. A firm voice is acceptable – a harsh tone is never acceptable. A loud, yelling, intimidating voice tells your children that you are really not in control. It says that you have to yell and scream to get your kids to respect you.  It also means that you may be verbally abusing your children or wife. A harsh tone of voice says that you do not respect your children – but you demand that they respect you. Respect is a two-way street – it must be a give and take on both ends.

Dads, watch your tone of voice  https://jackieosinski.wordpress.com/category/anger-2/

Ask your kids or wife to remind you when your voice is too loud.

Retrain your voice.

Your tone of voice can put much fear on your children. It will affect them the rest of their lives.

Fathers can provoke their children to rebellion. They do this when they are cynical or sarcastic. A Father should never use cynicism or sarcasm – it is wrong and it is hurtful. Many Fathers just think it’s funny – it is not. Cynicism and sarcasm are back-handed ways to get a point across. It uses injurious humor and remarks – often at the expense of the child. If you want to make a point say it directly. Don’t play games. Respect your son or daughter enough to be direct, respectful and frank about what you are trying to say.


Fathers, don’t wrangle with your kids. Often times because of a sense of insecurity a Father will try to prove that he really is in control by arguing. Particularly in this day and age when the household structure is no longer valued as it once was – men want to have a full assurance that their house won’t fall apart like everyone else’s – so they go to extremes. You are in control when you take the rightful place that Christ has given you and you begin to walk in it.

Stop causing arguments, dissentions and irritations.

There is never an excuse for arguing with your children.

You may discuss – but not argue. When you argue you cause your children to lose heart. This causes discouragement. 

Stop wounding your children’s heart.

Fathers must not pick fights. A Father will often be tired or grumpy and will jump on his kids for not doing chores or homework or whatever they were asked to do. Again, instead of appropriately handling the situation,( i.e. “I see that once again you forgot to take the garbage out so I am taking away the car keys for a week.”) Fathers will often nag, aggravate, berate and demean a son or daughter. This is the exact behavior that discourages a child. It breaks down their sense of self-esteem. It can make them feel worthless.


Fathers, you do not want to have your children lose heart. When a child becomes disheartened because of an overbearing, controlling, hurtful Father it opens up the door for the child to turn to wrong ways to handle their stress, i.e. drinking, drugs, sexuality, homosexuality, porn, cults, cutting and any other hurtful behavior that is out there. Father, you are the very person that exemplifies the Heavenly Father’s love. If your love is not clearly shown it could cause your child to turn from Christ.

The way your child sees you is the way your child will view the Heavenly Father. Don’t misuse this opportunity by being hard-hearted and insensitive.

Fathers, do you put as much time and energy into expressing your love for your children as you do in disciplining them? Do you daily take the time to tell each of your children how much you love them? It is so important that each of your children – it doesn’t matter if they are 3 years of age or 30 – know they are loved and valued. You should daily take the time to hug each child – again it doesn’t matter if they are a child, a teen or an adult. Every person needs physical touch and affirmation. When you hug your child count in your mind to number 10. When you give long hugs it means that you value your child. It means they are a blessing. It means you are so grateful that God has blessed you with this precious treasure.

Dad, you should daily tell each of your children how much you love and appreciate them. Make is a habit. You will be rewarded eternally.

Father, you hold the power to build up or break down a precious human being. This is a great responsibility and a precious gift. One day you will stand before Christ and give account as to how you loved your child.

Are you provoking your children?

2 thoughts on “Fathers don’t Exasperate Your Children

  1. There are many kinds of abuse, and I may have dealt with all of them as a child. When my son turned 15 months old and started getting into things and needing ‘discipline’, I realized that I was really messed up. I was quick to anger, quick to yell, quick to blame, and my first impulse was to hit, even though I didn’t act on it. Wow! Where did this come from. Sure, I’d always had a temper, and sure, I may have been quick to anger most of my life, but I never remembered *anyone* setting me off in the way my cherished child did. I’m over it now. My son has taught me many things, and how to be happy and break the chain of abuse was one of the biggest, most wonderful, and most far-reaching. Thanks Joe, you’re awesome. I thank my lucky stars every day to have you in my life. This lens is my attempt at helping anyone else who may find themselves in this predicament. You can feel consistently good, you can deal with emotional issues with grace and clarity, and you can break the cycle of raising your hand or even your voice to your kids. A person that is kind, calm, happy, relaxed, and loving – These kinds of people don’t abuse their kids. If I can become a better parent, anyone can, I promise you. Remember, it might seem to be effective in the short-run, but shouting, bribing, nagging, is sure to fail in the long run.

  2. Jackie, Great post on the importance of the Father’s relationship with his children! I have two good friends who are polar opposites. One is a loving/doting father that disciplines his children in the context of protection, the other speaks “harsh words” as you have mentioned. Unfortunately, the second one doesn’t see the damage he is doing. He thinks he is building character in his son when instead he is demoralizing him. I realized in my life how much I tried to please my father and just couldn’t ever quite live up to his expectations. It took me a long time to break free of that part of my past.
    Thanks again for a thoughtful post!
    Agatha Nolen

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