How to Find Joy When Single but Really Want to be Married

“Your lonely days can be your best days.” I have repeatedly told both my daughters.

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When I was in my 20’s I longed to be married. I was honoring God by staying pure, seeking His kingdom and doing my best to live for God. Yet, I felt alone, unfulfilled and incomplete. I knew that I wanted to be married – but alas, no husband. I was living in Daytona Beach and working at a bank. One afternoon I was trying to get across to the mainland when the bridge began to go up to let the boats pass.

“That’s my life Lord, I am trying to move forward but my bridge always seems to be up.”

“No Jackie, the bridge is up because the boats must pass under. When it seems that nothing is happening in your life it is because I am bringing a work about in your life that  you cannot see. Certain things must pass through before I bring you to the next step.”

Ok, I get it. God is working while we think we have been forgotten about. I understood. It still didn’t take away the loneliness https://jackieosinski.wordpress.com/2011/11/09/overcoming-the-agony-of-loneliness/

What could I do during this time in my life? I earnestly began to seek God about this situation. I no longer wanted marriage to be my obsession. I still had a life to live whether I was married or not. What if I never was married? What if I didn’t meet my husband for another 10 years? Should I be miserable for all those years?

As I pondered this the Lord reminded me of a bible verse:

“Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” Psalm 37:4

I began to pray and ask the Lord to show me how to “delight” myself in Him when I was living a lonely life.  He began to teach me that each act, whether big or small, can be done to the glory of God. He began to show me how to serve others unselfishly. I began trying to serve my brother and his girlfriend – they were a couple – I could bless them the way I would love to be blessed one day. As I began to do this I found a new joy. My energies were now on others and not on self.  Yes I was still lonely, but the “edge” had been taken off. I was starting to feel content.

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My friend Agatha was 26 years old. She had a master’s degree and a successful career. As a committed Christian she longed to be married to a godly man.  She  had great friends, was active in church, worked in the drama department and taught the children. She had a busy and fulfilling life – except that she was very lonely. She thought about it all the time. When would God send her husband? Would she never be married? Was life always going to be lonely? These questions ran through her mind continually.

Agatha met John at church – a very handsome Christian man. He was single and all that she could long for in a husband. He wouldn’t give her the time of day. Once again she was broken and empty-hearted. Would this never end? It was then that she realized this marriage issue was the “wallpaper” in her life. It was the backdrop to all that she did and all that she was. How did this glorify God? The day that she realized that John would never be a part of her life she spent the night in prayer. She cried out to God. She sat at the computer and typed out this prayer:

“Lord, this marriage issue has consumed me. It’s all I think about. I am tired of it. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I still have a life to live, talents to use and friends to enjoy. Teach me how to find joy in my journey as a single person, right now, just as I am. Help me to delight myself in you. If it’s your will for me to marry it will have to happen in your time – not mine. Help me to trust you for that. I now release this burden to you. Have your way in it.”

Agatha began to pray this simple prayer each day. Amazingly, little by little she began to find a greater peace and fulfillment in all that she did. Her teaching programs excelled, her drama program saw many souls come to know Christ and she became involved in life as never before. By the end of the year she met her future husband and wedding plans were on the way.

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My story? As I began to learn to delight myself in the Lord I was no longer solely focused on marriage. It was still important – by I found myself busy with God’ work. Within a short period of time I was introduced to an amazing man of God called Michael Osinski. We have now been married 30 years.

God knows how to give us the desires of our heart – He doesn’t dangle a carrot called marriage in front of us and make us run in vain. He is a loving Father who has the best in store for you. But He is also God. He longs for you to trust Him.

Are you single and desiring to be married? Learn to delight yourself in Him. He has the best for you.

3 thoughts on “How to Find Joy When Single but Really Want to be Married

  1. So you got married in your 30s. You’ve got NO CONCEPT of what it’s like to be really lonely. I am sorry. That’s just the way it is.

    • Thank you for writing. You are right – I have had many times, many years, when I have lived in desperate loneliness, but not to the level of dire loneliness. I have never been in a prison isolation cell. I have never lived in an orphanage. I have never lived in a homeless shelter. I have never had to live in a gutter on the streets. I agree with you. I have tasted deep loneliness, but probably not at the level you have. I pray today the Lord will show you how precious and beloved you are to Him and may you know that no matter how alone we feel, Christ never leaves us or forsakes us. Blessings beloved.

  2. Jackie-great post! Nice to know you have two friends named Agatha—this story could have been about me 20 years ago, but as you’ve eloquently described…I’ve “learned to delight myself in Him. He has the best for me.”
    Agaha

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