Parents that DIVIDE their Children

file00066095512Do you want to raise your children to LOVE one another?

Do you want to have children who are not DIVISIVE?

Do you want to have a loving, PEACEFUL family?

Do you want to raise strong, CONFIDENT adults that love and care for others?

If you desire the above then I am going to give you some tips on how to raise kids that care for and respect one another, kids that are loving and kids that don’t compete with their siblings.

I grew up in a home with a mother who pitted us against one another. If one child did something special she would rub it in the other kids face. She would make sure to let us know in subtle ways that we didn’t  accomplish what the other child had. This is how jealousy and envy grows. Each child desires to be the apple of their parents eye. Each child wants to know that they are special, unique and truly loved for their individual talents and giftings.

When a parent parades one child’s accomplishments before another child it diminishes that child’s self-esteem. It is telling the child “You don’t measure up. Chris is much more talented that you are.” This is the quickest way to destroy a child’s sense of well-being and security. The child grows up trying endlessly to achieve more and more so Mom and Dad will notice. It is a work in futility, for seldom does the child ever meet this parents expectations.

Often a parent will think that they are spurring their children to do better by inciting jealousy and envy. They often think that a little jealousy will make the other kids more competitive, more studious, more dedicated. What it actually does it tear the child down. This will leave a life time of scars, insecurity, rejection and despair. Often times we see these types of children grow up with addictions and strong suicidal tendencies. Often their life is one of depression and hopelessness. Not measuring up to your parents expectations is one of the worst situations a child can grow up in.

Here is a list of the things to do if you want to raise confident, loving, secure children.

  • Don’t brag about one child in front of the other.
  • Don’t compare one child’s talents to the others.
  • Never berate  your child for what he CANNOT do.
  • Never make fun of your child, no matter what they have done.
  • Never be cynical or sarcastic to your child.
  • Never talk down to your children as though you are better than they are.
  • Never tell your child that they can’t succeed at something.
  • Never make fun of your child’s dreams, desires and ideas, no matter how unusual they are.
  • Daily find ways to affirm your child for their accomplishments.
  • Daily tell your child of how proud you are of them just for who they are – NOT just their accomplishments.
  • Remind your child that love, kindness and goodness are more important than sports, academics, trophies and medals.
  • Each day hold your child in your arms tightly and count slowly to 10. Embraces remind them of how valuable they are.
  • Each day say out loud “________(child’s name) is a gift to me from God.” A good reminder that we are privileged to have children.
  • Each day ask God to teach you how to be a better parent.
  • NEVER yell at your child. Use a strong, firm voice but never yell. Yelling means you have lost control. Yelling berates a child.
  • Celebrate each day with your child. Tell them how much you praise God that they are such a blessing to you and the family.
  • Always believe the best of your child.
  • Never be scared of your child.
  • Never allow inappropriate behavior. For wrong actions there should always be a consequence.
  • Teach your child to NEVER make fun of others.
  • Teach your child to say “If you can’t say something nice don’t say anything at all.”
  • Teach your child to respect all people – especially adults. Particularly teachers.  They don’t have to agree with them, just respect them.
  • Daily pray with your children. Let them know there is nothing they cannot bring before their Heavenly Father.
  • Read the bible each evening with your child. Make it fun, interesting and loving.
  • Make sure your children always respect you. You are the parent and should be treated as such.
  • Memorize short bible verses with your kids. Make it fun and use incentives. It is the Word of God that will guide their life when they are no longer at home.
  • Never allow siblings to be rude or disrespectful to one another.
  • Never talk about another sibling behind their back.
  • NEVER compare one’s child’s looks to anothers.
  • You are a parent 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Live up to that responsibility.

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