How many times I have wanted to literally kill my husband! How many times I had to call a friend to warfare with my against this feeling! How many times I thought that if I were not a spirit-filled believer we could have a serious situation on our hands! There have been several times this has happened.
Have you ever felt like you could kill your husband? I have. I understand. What is happening? Why do we feel so strongly? Are we evil women? What is wrong with us? Do you feel shameful about these feelings?
One afternoon I had the overwhelming feeling that I wanted to kill Michael. It didn’t just come out of nowhere. I had walked outside and there was a brand new motorcycle in the driveway. He had just decided to purchase it without even discussing it with me. Our marriage rule was “any major purchase we first discuss it.” He failed to do this many times, over and over again. I was livid.
I walked into the house and called a female pastor friend. I poured out my anguish, frustration and hurt. I told her “I want to kill him.”
She said “You have a spirit of murder.”
“Yes” I thought, I do. If I didn’t have self-control I seriously could have followed through with it. I had that much anger towards him.
The anger didn’t come overnight – and neither has yours. It has built up over time – a new truck, a new boat, a late party, an affair, a rude remark, disrespecting you, hurtful words, crude remarks, decisions without your consent. You know what he has done. It has happened over and over. Anger, tears, hurts, empty promises. You are done with this. You both try to start anew, yet it keeps occurring. Then it happens, we reach our breaking point. You love him but hate what he does. You want to stay with him but don’t want the pain. You are trapped. Murder seems like an option.
How do we stop this cycle of pain, frustration and demonic thoughts?
First you must sit with your husband and let him know that you are broken from the endless cycle of _________________ (list the main things that hurt you – yet don’t crush him). Don’t cry. Try to control your emotions so that he will listen to an intelligent woman who knows what she is talking about. Express your desire to make the marriage work but it can’t work when he continues in this way.
Next, tell him you want to come up with a plan to work out these issues together. Make it simple, for example – “You go out with your friends once a month instead of every weekend.” Stick to only about 5 main points. Guys can’t handle too many details. You both need to be flexible in this. Then you write down each point. This is an agreement. Then sign it. This means you both want to work on your marriage. You can keep it posted where you will both see it. Both of you lay your hands on it and ask the Lord to help you both keep working on these issues.
Then both of you need to begin praying together on a daily basis asking the Lord to begin to help and bless your marriage. Your man doesn’t do the things he does for no reason, he is either frustrated, hurt, bored, tempted, angry or something else. He is involved with wrong activity to relieve his frustrations. Ask God to show you how to work through the issues.
If you do this and nothing changes then you need to seek good Christian marriage counseling. These things don’t get better by themselves. They only escalate. He may slip up several times, but as long as he is sincerely trying and wanting to change then you know that you are both on the right track.
What about that spirit of murder? Recognize that the feeling is demonic. It is an actual demon of murder that enters your mind and emotions and will provoke you to kill your husband. Cast it out of yourself. It has no place in your life. Keep putting on the Armor of God and continue to stand against this demon, as it is very strong.
Marriages are worth fight for. It is a battle, a long battle. It can be very difficult at times, but if you both want to make it work and are willing to make Jesus Lord of your marriage beautiful things can happen and God can turn this dark situation into light. I know, He did it for our marriage.